The Smiling Jeweler

…sitting in your jewelry box at home. You promised yourself you’d get around to wearing/fixing it again one day, but we both know that won’t happen.

How long has it been sitting there?
When was the last time you wore it?

If the answer to either of those questions is “I don’t remember”-it’s time to part ways. Why? Because you aren’t using it, and you could be. I don’t mean that you could be wearing it in its current form, because its current form is the reason it has sat neglected this long. It may be broken, or ugly, or carry emotional baggage. To demonstrate the solution mathematically:

SV=G@600oz

Or, “Sentimental Value is equal to $600 per ounce of gold”. According to this indisputable truth, you’ve been hoarding your gold for approximately two years too many. Gold has been worth more than $600 an ounce for a long time now. Broke $1000 an ounce Feb, 2008. Yep, sure did.

You’re ashamed.

It’s OK.

When the red fades from your cheeks and you’re able to make eye contact again, give us a call or send us an email. We can make something out of your scrap metal and shame that will set your heart a’flutter and your feet a’dancin’.

For our local customers, we’re also buying scrap gold at spot price with cold hard cash, or giving 125% store credit. Want to get in on that deal? All you need to do is fly to Sitka, Alaska with your luggage full of gold and walk it into the store. Not only will you be able to get top dollar for your gold or $1.25 in store credit for every $1.00 of gold, but I personally guarantee that you won’t be bitten by a king cobra or suffer sunburn while visiting.

A customer reached our site this morning by typing “forgot present wife angry” in google search. I’m quite glad I don’t feel his pain. However, a lot of people either forget completely, or partially (think airport and gas station gifts) to appropriately celebrate occasions that are dear to at least 50% of their union. Of course, there are completely irrational parties who feel that anniversaries should be celebrated in the smallest time increments possible: “It’s 4:23! Remember?! We < --fill in the blank-->for the very first time at 4:23! (attacks forgetful individual with hot iron-or 9-iron) But I digress…

The point is, while one can be excused for forgetting to commemorate hourly anniversaries, there are some occasions that due to their scale cannot be safely ignored. Like, for example- birthdays. Or wedding anniversaries. Or Christmas. Yes, people forget to buy Christmas gifts. Not completely forget-just forget for long enough that they may as well have forgotten completely. It’s not because they don’t know Christmas is coming. It’s not because they forgot the date. It’s just that they have delayed to the point where they are reduced to the equivalent of an airport or gas station gift. “Wow. A magazine, a lighter, and quart of SAE 10W-30 Motor Oil-you shouldn’t have.”

Timing is just as important as the gift itself. For example; I’d love a new toaster-but I wouldn’t want it tossed to me while in the bathtub.

So, here it is: Be thoughtful. Be generous. Be timely. Know what your loved one wants and make plans to buy it for her (or him) BEFORE the day before you need it.

Don’t be the next one to reach our site by typing in the search engine “forgot present wife angry“.

Now that the US dollar is worthless-oops, I mean worth less- many Canadians are ordering from our site. So, I thought I’d officially welcome our Easterly neighbors:

Canadians, we welcome you.

We ship jewelry to Canada, (always have) and even have one Canadian supplier who’s products have been quite popular on our site-Korite Ammolite. We offer UPS Express shipping to all our Canadian customers for a flat rate of $25, though our cost is closer to $50. Hopefully this will serve to offset the costs you incur by importing from the US.

Canadians, Please place your order via phone (907) 747-5744, if the toll free number doesn’t work for you.

It used to be that Canadians would call and ask if they could get the prices listed on our site in Canadian dollars instead of American. For the moment (until the US dollar is worth more again) , I’d be happy to honor that request ;-).

I have quite a bit of experience with ignorance. As such, I feel qualified to relate a few little known facts about engagement ring shopping to my fellow underinformed. Ignorant may not be the right word to use, but I don’t know of a better one.

Someone recently reached our site via a google search on “which hand do you wear an engagement ring on?” and it brought me back to the days when I was beginning the search for a ring to give my now wife. I asked her what kind of rings she liked, (which may or may not be a good idea depending on multiple variables) and she replied “Something in Platinum with Diamonds.” Armed with this information, I went to my local jeweler and relayed the specifics, after which he showed me a platinum ring with diamonds. “Great, I said, can I send her a picture? And I did. And she wasn’t thrilled. And I thought this was strange because as far as I was concerned, this ring satisfied not one, but BOTH of her criteria. It was Platinum. It had Diamonds. Without going into details, I ended up having a custom ring made after she sent me about 15 pictures of styles she liked. Along the way, I learned a few things:

The Engagement Ring Is The Big One
I thought the big ring would be the one she got for got for becoming legally bound to me, not just saying she would. No, the woman gets the (big) engagement ring first. The (little) wedding band you’ll slip on her finger at the actual wedding ceremony is just the coup de grâce after the battle has been won by the giant diamond ring. This seemed counter intuitive to me at first, but I’ve since realized that I don’t have intuition.

Finger Size Matters
Scientists agree that people come in many sizes. Research shows that these size differences are not restricted to height, weight and foot size, but can actually manifest themselves in the form of differing finger diameters. Perhaps this was obvious to everyone else. In any case, when shopping for a ring, you must know your intended’s finger size. And not just ANY finger size. This led me to my next revelation:

Wedding And Engagement Rings Will Be Worn On The Left Ring Finger
It is critical that you obtain the correct finger size, and to do so you must measure the correct finger. Fingers on one hand may be larger than fingers on the other. So, measuring a ring that she wears on her right ring finger may not give you an accurate size for her left ring finger. Most rings can be sized, but if you want a ring that has inlaid stones in it, stones set all the way around, or designs/engraving that go all the way around, it will probably have to be built in the correct size.

Hopefully, you haven’t learned anything by reading the above. If you have, remember: never attempt to make toast while blow drying your hair in the bathtub.

We have a FAQ section on our site, where we try to answer the most frequently asked questions before the redundancy causes my nervous tic to return. Contained therein are very useful answers to the deep and probing questions of life, such as:

What is the difference between 14, 18, and 24 karat gold?
How do I tell real gold nuggets from fake ones?
and
Why do women collect shoes?

With such a wealth of insightful, well written, on-topic information, one would guess that the bulk of the visitors would be there for answers to jewelry related questions, right?

WRONG.

The runaway favorite question that good folks reach our page requesting is:

Drumroll…

Wait for it…

“Are there penguins in Alaska?”

It’s true. There is a large group of people seeking the answer to this question. Like most people, I’m from Alaska. This means that I know that penguins haven’t lived in Alaska since the great Turkey Shortage of 1877. So, if you reached this page searching for the answer to the age-old “Penguin in Alaska” question, alas, there are no penguins in Alaska.

There are a lot of penguins in Antarctica though, which like Alaska, is a gigantic, ice-covered landmass which (confusingly) begins with ‘A’.