The Smiling Jeweler

Female visitors to Goldsmith Gallery in Sitka, Alaska are being asked to browse barefoot after numerous reports of lost and damaged socks.

“It all started out innocently enough.” says office manager Theresa Johnstone “This lady called me over and asked if I would show her a ring. When I walked over I noticed a pair of socks laying on the floor next to the jewelry case. I thought it was strange, but didn’t say anything.” After showing the ring, during which time the customer appeared “kinda out-of-it” and “delirious”, the pair of socks was moved to the stores’ lost and found box.

It was a strange occurrence, made more strange by the fact that there was another pair of socks already in the box. “We were like; This is weird.” Says store owner Christopher Fondell, who had found the other pair of socks in the same area that morning. “Originally, we thought it was some sort of prank. Why else would there be dirty socks on the floor of a jewelry store, right?”

When a third and fourth pair of socks were found that afternoon, the store decided to investigate. Security tape revealed that this was not a prank, but something far more difficult to explain. So difficult to explain, that store management hosted members of the local media to review security footage from the store.

The security cam image is grainy, but shows the Tanzanite case in the upper left corner of the frame. “Look under the case.” says Fondell, pointing at the screen. “Nothing there, right? Now watch.” He advances the video until a customer appears on the lower portion of the screen, and then pushes play. In the video, the woman is making her way towards the Tanzanite case when she suddenly appears to stumble, catching herself awkwardly on the case and pulling herself upright. The lower portion of her body is obscured by a potted plant, but after reviewing the sequence multiple times, it is clear that the womans’ socks were left on the floor after she appeared to stumble.

What caused her to stumble? What item was she intently gazing upon when a salesperson came to ask if she needed assistance?

A recently added 4.29 carat cushion cut Tanzanite Ring.

Apparently, a single glance at the Tanzanite Ring was enough to knock her socks off.

Multiple customers have since confirmed the phenomenon, reporting that they enter a dreamlike state after seeing the ring, and don’t fully recover their senses until hours after leaving the store.

You can view the Tanzanite Ring here.

Many men have trouble adapting to wearing a ring, and it isn’t just a physical comfort issue. They complain that their strength seems as though it is being sapped, and even simple decisions seem out of their control. If left untreated, more serious symptoms often develop-including but not limited to:

• Fatigue or exhaustion
• Indecision
• Sense of losing control
• Anxiety
• Emotional isolation
• Sense of overwhelming responsibility

If you’ve been suffering from one or more of the symptoms mentioned above, you’re not alone. You’re one of the millions of men suffering from Ring Related Emasculation(RRE).

In most cases, the affected can trace the beginning of this phenomenon to the day they first put on a ring. A day that was once filled with hope and promise, now twisted from dream to nightmare by this horrible condition.

Thankfully, there is hope.

The men’s rings from Alaskajewelry.com are made in America, which insures that there is ZERO chance that they were forged in the fires of Mount Doom. Every one of our men’s rings is guaranteed to be free of the influence of the dark lord Sauron.

That’s correct! Alaskajewelry.com now offers an industry first Sauron Free Guarantee™ on all men’s rings!*

Today’s man is encumbered with enough responsibilities and conflicting influences to have to worry about suddenly becoming invisible or having to take an arduous journey to Mordor.

When you need to be absolutely certain that the ring on your finger isn’t conspiring against you, there’s only one place to go.

Buy your men’s ring from alaskajewelry.com the home of the Sauron Free Guarantee™!

*Ammolite Rings not included

The alarming trend of melting Glacier Ice jewelry has begun to take it’s toll on the jewelry industry in Alaska, which has long relied on the cost savings of using frozen water as a gemstone replacement. “It’s been tough, no question.” says Glacier Ice cutter Jason Christnor. “Seems like it’s melting almost as fast as we can cut it this summer.” And with the glaciers receding around the state at an unprecedented rate, the rise in the wholesale cost of loose Glacier Ice has been equally alarming. “Before, I could hardly keep it in my cases it sold so fast.” says jewelry retailer Beau East. “People were like, ‘Wow, it’s so beautiful, and so much cheaper than back home.’ Now, I can hardly afford to have a full case of it-and the cost benefit of using Glacier Ice instead of diamonds and real gemstones is almost negligible.”

Christnor, much like the newly endangered Alaskan Polar Bear, is the victim of alarmingly warm temperatures. Alaska, which is generally well below freezing year round, has been experiencing thaws this year in places where it has never thawed before. “I might have to get some wheels for my sled this year.” jokes longtime Sitka resident Kristian Fergusson, nodding towards his dog sled. “My team just wants to lay around when it gets hot like this.” His wife Heddy agrees, “We might have seen a few days of thaw in July or August before, but never in May. Not like this.” Heddy has been leaving her Glacier Ice jewelry at home since March, afraid of losing it to the unseasonable warmth that is claiming the purchases of many cruise visitors this year.

While the consensus among Alaskan jewelers is that times are tough-most agree that there will continue to be a market for Glacier Ice jewelry. “You can’t make this stuff at home in your freezer.” says a salesman at one of the 65 jewelry stores in downtown Ketchikan. “It takes hundreds of years and the intense pressure of thousands of tons of ice to create a specimen that will have the color and optical clarity to even be considered gem-quality Glacier Ice.” He pauses before adding, “Put an ice cube on your finger and see how good it looks. See how long it lasts.”

Some jewelers are taking a proactive step, replacing their entire Glacier Ice inventories with natural stones. “Hey, the writing is on the wall.” says jeweler Sam Vapcedic. “It’s warming up. I used to think Al Gore was full of hot air, but then he won that Pulitzer, and that makes you think twice.” He continues, “I used to offer a full 1 year warranty for my local customers. Now try reading the small print at some of these places. ” he says, gesturing out the window toward a street lined with shops. “Three day warranty against melting? 24 hour warranty? It’s obscene. Who’s gonna buy that?”

Jewelers like Chris Fondell of Alaskajewelry.com have led the charge in replacing their melting inventories with real gems. “Folks walk into my store and say-hey it’s warm in here! How do you do it?” Well, it’s simple-my Glacier Ice is natural Blue Zircon. It doesn’t melt. Ever.”

While you’ll end up paying a higher price for this new breed of Glacier Ice, the ability to wear it in all seasons seems to have struck a chord with visitors and locals alike. “The days of wearing my favorite jewelry only in the dead of winter are officially over.” declares Juneau resident Kiera Sexton who has replaced all her traditional Glacier Ice jewelry with Glacier Ice Blue Zircon. The new stone boasts the same deep blue color and brilliant sparkle, without the risk of melting.

…sitting in your jewelry box at home. You promised yourself you’d get around to wearing/fixing it again one day, but we both know that won’t happen.

How long has it been sitting there?
When was the last time you wore it?

If the answer to either of those questions is “I don’t remember”-it’s time to part ways. Why? Because you aren’t using it, and you could be. I don’t mean that you could be wearing it in its current form, because its current form is the reason it has sat neglected this long. It may be broken, or ugly, or carry emotional baggage. To demonstrate the solution mathematically:

SV=G@600oz

Or, “Sentimental Value is equal to $600 per ounce of gold”. According to this indisputable truth, you’ve been hoarding your gold for approximately two years too many. Gold has been worth more than $600 an ounce for a long time now. Broke $1000 an ounce Feb, 2008. Yep, sure did.

You’re ashamed.

It’s OK.

When the red fades from your cheeks and you’re able to make eye contact again, give us a call or send us an email. We can make something out of your scrap metal and shame that will set your heart a’flutter and your feet a’dancin’.

For our local customers, we’re also buying scrap gold with cold hard cash, or giving 125% store credit. Want to get in on that deal? All you need to do is fly to Sitka, Alaska with your luggage full of gold and walk it into the store. Not only will you be able to get top dollar for your gold or $1.25 in store credit for every $1.00 of gold, but I personally guarantee that you won’t be bitten by a king cobra or suffer sunburn while visiting.

A customer reached our site this morning by typing “forgot present wife angry” in google search. I’m quite glad I don’t feel his pain. However, a lot of people either forget completely, or partially (think airport and gas station gifts) to appropriately celebrate occasions that are dear to at least 50% of their union. Of course, there are completely irrational parties who feel that anniversaries should be celebrated in the smallest time increments possible: “It’s 4:23! Remember?! We < --fill in the blank-->for the very first time at 4:23! (attacks forgetful individual with hot iron-or 9-iron) But I digress…

The point is, while one can be excused for forgetting to commemorate hourly anniversaries, there are some occasions that due to their scale cannot be safely ignored. Like, for example- birthdays. Or wedding anniversaries. Or Christmas. Yes, people forget to buy Christmas gifts. Not completely forget-just forget for long enough that they may as well have forgotten completely. It’s not because they don’t know Christmas is coming. It’s not because they forgot the date. It’s just that they have delayed to the point where they are reduced to the equivalent of an airport or gas station gift. “Wow. A magazine, a lighter, and quart of SAE 10W-30 Motor Oil-you shouldn’t have.”

Timing is just as important as the gift itself. For example; I’d love a new toaster-but I wouldn’t want it tossed to me while in the bathtub.

So, here it is: Be thoughtful. Be generous. Be timely. Know what your loved one wants and make plans to buy it for her (or him) BEFORE the day before you need it.

Don’t be the next one to reach our site by typing in the search engine “forgot present wife angry“.